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February 18, 2013

18 Feb

Hello Moother,

Today I didn’t have work because it’s President’s Day. Pretty Awesome. I’ll be back at work after two weeks off tomorrow. While I love not going into work, because, as you know, it depresses me that teachers are treated like poop, I’m glad to get back into the routine of things. I feel bad for my students who have had a sub for two weeks. I’m a little worried about getting the students back on track. God knows there hasn’t been much learning while I’ve been away.I probably could have gone in last week, but since my sadness hits me in waves, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it.

I’m worried that tonight I’m not going to sleep well in anticipation of going into work tomorrow. I had a panic attack on Friday night; the first one I’ve had in a long time–like 3 years. I also have been having nightmares. Last night I dreamt that Justin and I were in Hawaii. That part was nice. We were on the beach and Justin had walked down the beach to talk to someone. While he was away, the tide started to come in and our things were getting washed away into the ocean. I gathered them before they disappeared and found a dry spot for them. The ocean made me feel afraid. I was worried about sharks. It was strange being afraid of the ocean, since I grew up at the beach and spent so many days and weekends playing and swimming in the water. After I had placed our things away from the high tide, the water became very calm and the water pulled back and all the beach was dry. The water looked like Key Biscayne on a summer day. The water was so low, I could see fish, big and little, swimming around. Suddenly, Justin called to me. I left our things and walked over to him. Once I reached him, the tide suddenly rushed in and our things began to float away. We both ran for our things. I tried to swim over to save our things, but became afraid of what might be in the water, so I asked Justin to swim after it, despite knowing that I am strong swimmer. There was a rush of waves and Justin and our things were swept out to sea. It was awful. I felt like a selfish jerk. I looked the symbols up in my dream dictionary, but the explanations didn’t make any sense.

Well, last night the in-laws took me out to dinner at this Italian restuarant. It was delicious. If Daddy comes to visit, I’ll definitely have to take him there. It was all Northern Italian dishes and all the pasta was made in house. I had the pappardelle in a bolognese sauce. It was delightful. I also got dessert, a chocolate tart. They put crushed hazelnuts on top. It gave me a great idea for my Oscar party dessert. I think I’m going to do a chocolate mouse and crush hazelnuts on top to give it a Nutella feel. I don’t know. We’ll see. Justin got me a cookbook of essential Italian dishes. I’m thinking of making two a week. It might be a nice change since I feel like I make the same damn thing for dinner every week.

Tonight I’m making polenta with pork chops. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the pork chops yet. I’m hoping the cookbook inspires me.

Talk to you tomorrow.


p.s. please visit me soon in my dreams