July 15, 2013

16 Jul

Hello Moother,

I have to say, I wish you were around for the Royal Baby Watch. I think you would totally enjoy looking at Kate Middleton and her perfect pregnancy wardrobe. I just love her. She’s the Princess Diana of my generation. 

I have begun the nesting phase of the pregnancy. Today, I cleaned like a beast and only stopped because I was getting overheated and tired. I might start back up again after dinner. I have also been mentally decorating the nursery. I contacted the landlord to see if I could get permission to paint. I hope I get a yes. 

A week ago, I got back from a visit up north to see family. It was nice seeing everyone, but it was a relief to get home. It was strange seeing the whole family and not having you there. It was especially painful to go to Nonno Peppino’s house and be there just with Daddy and the sisters. He was very lucid when we saw him which made it better. He understood that he was going to be great-grandfather. It was nice. 

I haven’t been checking in so often because I keep dreaming about you. They are not lucid dreams, but you’re in my dreams often. It’s as if you’re checking in with me. I appreciate that. 

More than ever, your death has become harder to process. Last night, I laid in bed thinking of all things I wish you were here for. I could use my mom as I prepare to become one. What was even worse about last night was that I kept having vivid memories of the night you died. This happens every so often, and it’s awful. It’s as if my brain is trying to remind me that you’re dead. I wish I could just suppress it. 

My belly is getting bigger and bigger. I think I look okay pregnant. I have always been so worried I’m going to be an ugly pregnant lady, but I was reassured when I was repeatedly told by family that I was carrying the baby well. It was nice to hear. Since our family doesn’t have a filter and are totally honest about how people, I felt mildly confident that I’m in fact a decent, maybe even cute pregnant lady. 

As I start prepare the nursery, I’ll update you with photos. I have a theme picked out, but need to make use I find decor that fits my theme. I may have to change it. It’s, of course. intellectual and neutral. I have decided that I don’t want to know what the gender is; therefore, I need to have a neutral nursery.

Zia Rita said you would probably recommend it be a surprise. When I told the husband that you didn’t know for the three us, he was shocked. I think it will be fun to not know. I also would like to know, but what’s 22 weeks? It will be here before I know it.

Love you,



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