February 21, 2013

22 Feb

Hello Moother,

It’s almost Friday and thank God. It’s been a trying week. My waves of sadness have been coming on very strong. I find myself disliking work more and more. I keep hoping I get pregnant soon, so that I can bring so good news to the family and can start thinking about maternity leave. I’m so eager to have a baby with my sweet Justin that last night I dreamt that I was running around screaming, “I’m pregnant!” It was so absurd. 

I woke up thinking, “I wish.” 

Even though I have great coworkers, I’ve about had it with adminstration. While I was gone, the sub didn’t follow my lesson plans, and was told by administration that teachers should be grateful that there is a warm body in the classroom. Makes me feel like the two days of prep work and photocopies and labeling was really worth the time. Next time I’m out, the kids are going to watch a movie. If a warm body is all they need, then that warm body can push play on the the DVD player.

The past few days I’ve been keeping my eyes out for new work. I applied for two jobs this week, both at good schools in the area. One of the schools is a private school, probably the best in the area. It is an IB school which I would love to teach at since I enjoyed it so much my first year teaching. Those highly competitive, aggressive students are my favorite. When I randomly checked to see if they were hiring, I noticed the job had been posted on your birthday. I figured it was a sign that you were helping me out.

I also figured that since you’re up there hanging with God, the angels, and saints I wondered if you couldn’t stop by and see St. Joseph. I’ve been praying to him, but I think you putting in a good word for me might help. 

I don’t know why, but I keep imagining Heaven as this place that has offices and secretaries. That you’ve been busy filling out paperwork to get in and that’s why you haven’t really visited Joanna, Michelle, or me.

“It’s a great day in Heaven, please hold.” 

“For God, press 1; for Jesus press 2; If you know your party’s extension please dial it now.” 

“You’re call is very important to us. Please stay on the line.”

I imagine each saint has his or her own cubicle and they have departments. St. Joe is in HR, obviously. 

Anyway, please watch over me as I try to better my sitatuion. I’m not happy at my job. I feel under appreciated and am tired of teaching students who don’t care. It’s exhausting. This week at our department meeting the testing coordinator brought in PSAT scores and showed us how our students were not prepared for college. We were then told to look at the skills tested and to “have a conversation” about what we could do better. One of the teachers in the meeting asked if the parents were made aware that 28 percent of the students were college ready while 72 were not, and the response was, “no, no, no.” Of course, the pressure to pass students at our school is also high, so we must be teaching with rigor, but passing the students as well. Talk about a disconnect.

I was so angry. By the time the meeting ended, I nearly emailed the principal to give my notice. The only departments that were given the test results were math and English. Repeatedly, the testing coordinator kept saying, “I’m not here to point fingers.” 

Oh no? So why are we not informing parents about the lack of preparedness. Why are we not holding students and parents accountable? Why are we just blaming the teachers?

Gah!

Anyway, like I said before, please stop by St. Joseph’s office, put in a good word. The jobs I applied for are at schools where the parents and students value education. While the administration might not be any better at those schools, at least the cliental will be. 

I miss our afternoon phone calls. 

I love you,

G

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