February 19, 2013

19 Feb

Hello Moother,

I dreamt of you last night. It seemed to take forever to fall asleep, but I am so grateful that I did. While I dreamt and saw you, I was all too aware it was a dream. 

Joanna and Michelle were with me. We were in this tiny apartment. The apartment had this small kitchen in it. The door opened and at first I could only see the back of your head, but I knew it was you. You sat down at the table with Michelle, Joanna, and me. We all drank Nespresso. 

We kept asking you questions, but you were quiet. We understood that you had died, but you were clearly alive as you sat in front of us. You looked so beautiful, Mommy. You didn’t look anything like how I last remember seeing you. You looked the way you did before you got sick. You told us we could see you everyday from 7 to 9 a.m. in that apartment. You said that everyday, God let you be alive for two hours. 

I remember repeatedly asking you if you were alive, and all you kept saying was yes. I just couldn’t believe it. 

When I woke up, I still had a few hours before I had to get up to get ready for work. I was having a hard time breathing and Justin was worried about me. When I told him I dreamt of you, I lost it. I wanted it to be true that you were alive. It made me so sad, yet I felt this ephemeral happiness. I was excited to see you, even though I knew it was just a dream. 

At the end of the dream, when it was time for you to leave, you stood up and you were wearing this white flowing dress. Suddenly, you lost all the color in your face and you disintegrated. It was awful.

I told Michelle that I dreamt of you, and she said she also dreamt of you. Her dream was very disturbing though. She said she saw you in the casket and you were trying to get out but couldn’t because you were embalmed. It made me sad that Michelle’s dream wasn’t as hopeful as mine. She said she was afraid and found it creepy. 

Last night I wished so badly to dream of you, and you came and found me in my sleep. I’m glad I got to see you even if was only briefly. 

Thank you,




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